Changed For Good

and for the better.

I spent most of my teen years bouncing between friendships. I tried to fit in but always seemed to be the odd one out and someone I considered my close friend always considered someone else first. I always thought it was because of me, like I was doing something wrong. I thought I was so unlikeable by others that I started to dislike myself.

For such a long time I felt like I lost myself. I tried to change my interests to fit those around me and I talked less hoping I could fly under the radar. It worked and unfortunately it worked too well. I quieted myself to the point where I was no longer considered. It got to a point where I was damned if I do damned if it don’t. If I tried to be myself I thought I was being too much but being too quiet left me with no-one.

When I was seventeen, I befriended Belle. We had grown up together going to the same school but never necessarily crossed paths. Fortunately, I had been switched into advanced English during our junior year and in this classroom our friendship began. Belle and I bonded over our love for similar music artists (our taste match is 98% according to Spotify!), fan fiction, and books. Belle became the first person I could be myself around. I can say anything and I always know Belle will understand and relate.

Befriending Belle changed me for good. She showed me that being myself was enough. I will forever be grateful Belle gave me the time and space to share my interests and be myself all while forming a meaningful connection. I can only hope I give the same energy back to her. Belle inspires me everyday; she’s truly one of the most passionate and intelligent women I know. It has been such a blessing to experience going into adulthood with Belle on my side and I can only pray we’re together till the end.

My first two years of college were rough. I transferred after my freshman year and didn’t make friends until my junior year. My sophomore year was one of the hardest years of my life. I struggled to pick a career, I once again struggled socially, and began to struggle mentally. Everyday I went through the motions. In my junior year I met two girls who welcomed me with open arms.

I officially met Ellie, once again, in an English and literature class. I then meet Claire at a club bonding event. I became close with Claire and Ellie the summer between our junior and senior years while we studied abroad in Italy. At the beginning of our trip together I probably didn’t even know their middle names; but five weeks, a Paris weekend, and three binge-watched TV shows later we ended our trip with sleepovers in the living room. Now, whenever I see things in three I can’t help but go “ that’s so Claire, Ellie and I” as if we’re triplets.

One of my first memories with Claire was when I skipped my classes on her birthday because she invited me to go to lunch with her. Befriending Claire has changed me for good. I know if I ever need a hug or a good listening ear, I can count on Claire. Claire showed me a different way to life. I’ve written about my religious animosities before but Claire has been a major reason I’m less hostile as she changed my views on the connection between religion and lifestyle. I cherish nothing more than having a friend like Claire, she’s someone who came into my life and changed it for the better. I hope Claire knows everyday that I’m always in her corner rooting for her.

When my friend Ellie and I are laughing together it can be compared to when Jake Shane is belly laughing with one of his guests. Let me tell you, Ellie and I are always laughing when we’re together. If anyone ever needs advice Ellie is the girl to go to because she’ll always tell you how it is, that’s my Samantha Jones! Ellie is the type of friend where you can do everything and nothing with. Meaning, we could go from a spontaneous six mile hike to watching six hours worth of reality TV. Ellie’s not only the most fashionable person I know but she’s also the strongest and most joyful. I always say Ellie’s the embodiment of Perfect Joy.

These are the friendships I cried myself to sleep thinking about. I think all of my friendships both past and present have changed me for good, but these specific three girls have changed me for the better.